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Wednesday, 03 June 2009

And on the 1502nd day...

God created...I don't know. I'm sure...something wondeful.

On the 1502nd day of this xanga being in existance...it dies.
It will stay up for awhile in case I change my mind, but it's pretty much dead.

mikekillam.wordpress.com

That's pretty much where it's at now...
Check it out.

Good bye and fair thee well xanga,
It's been a good 4 years...

Thursday, 23 April 2009

I have a brand new xanga...

Cave_Canem_et_Christianos

It pretty much means..."Beware of dog...and Christian"

I don't know why I decided to go with a new xanga.
I like the name...for sure.

It's pretty soothing to starting something anew... I like having a new xanga.
I have 3+ years in this one, and it's nice to have something new.

You guys should subscribe to my new one.
That is, if you feel like keeping up to date on what's going on with me.
It's up to you...

Friday, 17 April 2009

Luke 18 Weekend (Periodically Updated)

2pm-4pm: Ace Waters gave me a ride over. I set up the stage partially with Isidro and Jeremy...we still really haven't done much of anything...more to come. Ben, Nate, and Nick should be here shortly.

Day 2: Yesterday was awesome. Turns out we have a really high intensity group that's really cool and unique. A lot of kids really eager to learn and share. I'm excited. We had a small group last night and did some really cool worship. Went to bed around 3am thanks to two hours of "that's what she said."

Today, we've had several successful small groups. Definitely a sense of unity in the group among the guys.
Currently, we are setting up the stage and practicing for the worship concert tonight. I'm wondering what time/ if David will come tonight. Probably, but if he doesn't I have to figure out who's playing drums. I hope he shows up before 5.

There have been some pretty good talks. The way Ben related the sanctuary to a ship and what not was really cool.

Thursday, 16 April 2009

I'm home...

I'm home....for now.

The ironic thing, is that I was at peace more sitting in jail than I am now.
I was used very hardcore by God in the last 24 hours.
Not that that excuses anything, but it makes it worth it.

Oh, for those of you not in the loop yet, which might be all of you...i dunno.
But I was in jail last night and all day today. I just got home a few hours ago.

More to come later.
Just know that I am safe now, and home.

I would sorta rather be there though.
I felt like I was doing a lot of good,
and I was being used a lot.
I don't feel at peace since leaving there...

I'm going to put up I really cool post about some sociological things I noticed when in jail.
It was such a cool experience.
Not one that I ever want to do again, unless it's for a good reason...like the Apostles style...
But I definitely gained a lot of cool insight into the underworld culture that we don't see
a lot in these parts.
I got to see how these guys react in groups, alone...when they know they are getting off free, or when they are sitting in a corner with no hope left in the entire world.

I was very chill the entire time, much to the amazement of the cops that were handling me.

So yeah...more to come at some point. I look forward to analyzing my own thoughts and experiences over the last 24 hours.

Cady, I love you.
I'm sorry you had to find out like that. My family...is stupid. They should have let me tell you like I requested. But no...of course not...

Monday, 06 April 2009

Pro Deo Solus (not David...silly)

No regrets, not this time
I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I'm finally feeling something
'Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

'Cause I don't wanna go through the motions
I don't wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don't wanna spend my whole life asking,
"What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?"

So, three days after leaving Greenville
you asked me how I was doing.
If I was struggling.
Three days.
Not since then.
I seem to remember predicting that.

Classes this summer. Woot.
They should be paid for by the end
of today. Sweetness.
Still can't find a new job. Oh well.

I'm going to start playing for the 6pm mass
at Holy Apostles. Next Sunday will probably
be my first week. Yes, Easter Sunday. I'm
excited.

The worship for Luke 18 is coming along
quite nicely. I'm excited about that as well.
I think it will be awesome. David and Daniel
might play, and Rachel and Anna might sing.
That's awesome.

I like my new xanga layout.

When I talked with Caleb about
doing things and continuing on
with this band, I was really excited
about it. For one reason or another
I'm really annoyed with it now. I don't
know why really... Probably because I
sub-consciously don't see it going anywhere.
Like everything else we've tried to do.
"Hey let's do this for real."
"Yeah, I'm in."
"This is all I care about, let's make this happen."
Yeah and then, months later we did nothing
with Belmonte, we never practiced, we never wrote
anything, and we hated each other while doing it.
I don't know, maybe if we actually do
something I'll feel differently.

I have too many good friendships
that don't matter at all. What I mean by this,
is that I have a lot of good friends that I hang
out with a lot. But in doing so, we never do
anything productive, or talk about anything
serious. God is at the center of 0 of my
relationships with anybody I know.
No wonder I find it hard to ask for help
overcoming things... I don't have anybody
to actually talk to.

I feel like nothing I do matters.
Even all the church stuff I do doesn't matter.
What in the world will change the FMC youth group?
What will change all the youth group nowadays?
Is it all about entertainment? Is it even about Bible studies
and talking about scriptures and stuff.
I don't know. I mean, yeah the Bible is important,
but I don't think God wants us to have a
relationship with a book, or with history.
I don't think we should have a relationship with
the Jesus found in the red letters in our Bibles.
I think we should have a relationship
with Christ...the one that is real and alive
to this very day. The Holy Spirit that
goes before us and prepares the way
in everything we do.
The God of the universe. The creator and ruler,
but also the Father and friend.
The loving parent and the comforting touch.
I want to add influence to the importance of
that relationship. Not meeting every week and
talking about the Bible, but really developing a
relationship with God.
Arg.
I don't feel like we're doing that at all.

John and Ben both told me a six song
worship set that I gave them might not work,
because there are three "slow songs" in it, and
I might lose the kids attention.
Are you serious?
FUCK that!
It's not about entertainment or keeping them
distracted for a half an hour...three slow songs
is too much? I wanted to do six slow songs,
how about that!
This retreat is supposed to be about kids who
are going into Freshmen year in high school. That's the
most crucial time in their young lives, in my opinion.
I screwed up so much that year, and if I had people to
show me the true face of Christ, instead of the youth groups
I went to trying to keep me entertained, could things have
been different? You don't think they really get worship yet? Can't "do"
the hardcore worship services we in high school and college can?
Can't get how "we" worship Christ in those times.
So, when are they supposed to learn?
Through Days of Elijah? (Yeah, I definitely hate that song...)
Are you expecting them to just, get it one day?
To wake up and know how to really "do" worship?

Moving right along.
Why do most churches
have this misconception
that if somebody prays a prayer once
that they're safe and going to heaven?
They get the magic formula of
Christianity.
Sinner+Prayer=Heaven
No, seeking the face of Christ, upholding
the morals and teachings of the Word,
doing the absolute best you can with
everything you have been given, having that
relationship with Christ...that's what's important.
It's like going to a secret club meeting. In this secret club
you meet and have the greatest experience of your life
all the time. It's actual perfection. It's wonderful there,
and there's no reason to ever leave. But the problem was,
you have to give them the password for them to
open the door. Then Christ came and said, "hey world, here's
the password for the secret club...ready...here it is: me. Have a
relationship with me. Don't just BELIEVE in me, cuz even Satan does
that! Know me, follow me, do my work when I'm gone. Dont' just pray once saying
'I repent of sins and accept Christ as my Savior.'"
Here's the truth. You're acceptance
doesn't start the process of Christ saving you. You were already saved because
of Him. Now it's our choice not to walk down the steps to hell
ourselves. Without Christ, we had no choice. But he did save us
and now it's up to us not to go to hell. No repeating after somebody or magic
formula is going to change that.
We are saved. Do something with it.
It's the journey and the relationship.
Not the moment of being "saved."
We were saved 2000 years ago.

Yeah, I should for sure be in the ministry field
doing something. I have too much desire to talk about
stuff like this, and too much God given ability
to think these things through and get them across
to people. I just need an outlet to do so.

Shake things up!

ChaCha Go!